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Three of the best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm and a good crap… landing on an aircraft carrier at night allows you to experience all three at once!

A true story (from the latest edition of Australian Aviation magazine):
After a particularly lousy landing by the co-pilot of an Australian commercial airline, that co-pilot heard the Captain announce "Ladies and Gentlemen, XXX airlines wishes to apologize for that rough landing provided today by our first officer".
Some months later the same crew were together and, you guessed it, the Captain did an even worse one.  The First Officer immediately jumped on the intercom announcing "Ladies and Gentlemen, XXX airlines wishes to apologize for that rough landing provided today by our Captain".
The Captain immediately responded angrily, "What did you say that for?".
The First Officer replied "Remember a couple of months back? I owed it to you!".
"But I never keyed the mike!" responded the Captain.

"I give your landing a 9... on the Richter scale."

"Young man was that a landing or were we shot down?"

The pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot came back with; "I made it out of DC-8 parts, and with another landing like you just made and I'll have enough parts for a second one."

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was "running a bit rough."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah...", the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."

You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

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